Allow things to move at their own pace work on instinct, on what feels natural and right.
Every relationship is unique, as is every dating process that leads up to a relationship. To all singletons, here is my proclamation: There is no ‘correct’ timeframe in dating. This isn’t one of those ‘sound at its core’ pieces of dating lore – frankly, it’s just nonsense. Do you call on the third day… or do you wait three days and then call on the fourth day? Is day one the day of the date, or the day after? What if he calls you before then? It seems simple enough, until you start to think about it. In the world of gay dating, the three-day rule goes thus: wait three days after your first date before you call or text. What did I do? Was it my progressive sociopolitical viewpoints? Was my humour too wry, too sarcastic? Was it the broccoli stuck in my front tooth? You get home, high on life (and maybe just a little giddy from the wine). Five is right out.” – Monty Python: Quest for the Holy Grail Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. With thanks to Louise Kelly, information officer at Stonewall (08000 50 20 20).įurther reading and resources: /help-advice/coming-out-0 .“Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. If necessary, have that person with you when you come out to others.ġ0 If you suspect someone you know is LGBT, remember that you cannot – and should not – force them to come out, but you can foster an environment where the person feels supported and safe to do so. This could mean coming out to one person whom you trust and are reasonably confident will be supportive. If you want to come out to one family member at a time, remember to tell them that as you share your news.ĩ If you are not sure of how certain significant people in your life may react, it’s a good idea to build a support network around you first. If you don’t want everyone to know at once, consider using more old-fashioned methods of communication.
While you should use whichever medium you feel most comfortable with – face-to-face, phone call, text, email, social media – it’s worth bearing in mind that some offer more privacy than others.
So it’s important so think about this when choosing how to do it. This allows the recipient time to get used to the news, but you still retain control of the situation.Ĩ Staying in control of the news should always remain with the person who is coming out. First reactions aren’t always lasting reactions.ħ If you are really nervous about coming out to family or friends, consider writing them a letter telling them, then follow up with a phone call or visit. Remember that coming out may be more of a process than an event.Ħ If family or friends react in a negative way, it won’t necessarily be how they always feel. Pick a quiet, calm time when you tell people, which will give you all time to talk about it. If at all possible, get the support of your ex-partner and tell the children together.ĥ Allow people to be shocked and to need time to take the news in – be sensitive to their feelings, too. If you are coming out to your children, remember to remind them that you are still the same person, that you still love them and that you still feel the same way about them. Older people – especially those in a heterosexual relationship and maybe with children – may have different dilemmas. Younger people can be more concerned about reactions and acceptance among their peer group, and worry about whether or not they might be bullied. It’s also perfectly OK to say that you need time to process the information, but try to communicate at the same time that your feelings towards the person who has come out to you have not changed.Ĥ Worries and concerns may vary according to how old you are. So if someone comes out to you, one of the best ways to respond is to say, “I still feel exactly the same about you.” Key concerns are that they won’t be accepted or will be seen differently. 3 Many people worry about other people’s reactions.